change.

Dont you find it hard when you are trying to change yourself but people around are not supportive? I tried okay. I tried to appreciate people more, i tried to give reaction, i tried so hard to hold myself from talking something that might hurt others. I also tried to distance myself from others if i was in bad mood. But you cant expect people to change overnight. Sometimes i might spit out something i shouldnt say or do something i shouldnt do, or doesnt have common sense to even say thankyou to some actions. I tried to hold my anger, believe me i am hotheaded. But my anger always last for minutes or hours. It is just that when i stop talking to some people bcs i was angry or sulking, i just dont know how to start talking to them again. It feels awkward.

Sometimes i wish i just could turn back time, refresh my life everytime i screw up in friendship. It sucks being the toxic one, the friend that always being left out by others. But that is just me, i am the bad person. I wish i could live without needing any help from others so that i dont have to build any new friendship, and getting hurt all over again.