.

This is the worst phase of depression i ever been through so far. I have no friend, my family is always the core reason of my depression and i cant even talk to anyone about my problems because either anyone will hurt or it is not safe anymore to just talk about your problem to socmed nowadays.

It feels like ive been stab and it is hurt. I cry every night and every moment. Because i feel like there is no one i can hold on to. No reasons to live anymore. I know i am suck. I regret everything i did and how i treated people. But i cant help it. Im so broken that i tend to treat people harshly to protect my fragile heart. It is the only protection. I feel like i am unwanted everywhere. At home, my parents dont even care about me. I know it is silly to cry over money. But the least they should do is to provide money if they cant give love. They dont even care what i eat at home just bcs they have some other important things to think other than me. I am not their priority. Never since i was a kid.

Just imagine i was once a kid who thirst of love, affection and attention had to find love outside and by myself that some bad things happened to me but i ignore it just bcs i want a little bit of love my parents cannot give. I am growing up to be a jerk who doesnt know how to show affections to others. And that is why people leave me constantly.

And now, the adult me is someone who always rebel, lonely, hotheaded, a jerk and they wonder why i turn out like this.

And with friends, i think i am outcast. I am invisible. People just find me when they need me but not the one whom they should be close with. What would you do if u were me?

If only suicide isnt haram....